Tuesday, April 6, 2010

but I get up again

I spent a lot of yesterday feeling sorry for myself.  I've struggled so much with injury, especially the last two years, and I was so frustrated and upset to be dealing with it again.

But you know what?  I know how to deal with this.  This doesn't have to end up in years off and a complete change in my mental state.  This is not the end of the world.  I'm going to try really hard to hang onto THIS mind-set.  Instead of all the negative thoughts that keep popping into my head.

So I rolled and stretched and iced and strengthened.  This morning I'm going to get my ass kicked by my amazing massage person.  If I do run tomorrow, I'm going to do one mile.  And if I don't, that's okay.  

I'm also trying to figure out where I went wrong.  I took off 10 days post-surgery.  My days back look like this (mileage): 5-2.5-off-2-8-off-3.  What kind of special crack was I smoking?  Sometimes I get overtaken by how much joy there is in running for me and I forget to be smart.  It probably should have looked like: 2-off-3-off-2-off.  5 was at an easy pace but felt impossible and had lots of walking.  Why did I then run the next day?  2 still felt tough but my pace was better.  Why did I then run the next day?  And 6 miles into my 8-miler my ITB started being cranky, but I finished. Well, that was a stupid-ass thing to do.

I need to be smarter about my body.  I've been injured enough that I should know this.  I know that running 2 days in a row generally does not work for me.  I know that if something hurts, I should stop.  I need to respect the fact that I've only been back from my last injury for about 3 months.  I am still building a base.  I've only being doing long runs for a month now.  I haven't even put speed work back in yet, I've been so focused on building a healthy base.  I need to slow down and listen better.  Maybe this IT band soreness is a bloody good kick up the ass from the universe to slow down.  I hear you.

All of this means I'm not going to run on Sunday, at least not 10 miles.  Several people suggested running without a chip and/or only running part of the course.  If I feel good Sunday morning, that's what I'm going to do.  I can pretty easily jump out at 2 miles or at 4 miles, based on the course.  A DNF would suck, mentally, but being out for 3 months of injury would be worse.  I need to be able to run for the rest of my life, not just on Sunday.

The other thing I need to remember: Being injured does not make me a bad person.  It does not make me lazy, fat, slow, stupid, or a failure.  It means I'm still learning how to balance what I want with what I am physically able to do.  

Remind me of this.

4 comments:

  1. Katie - I completely understand your frustration. It's hard not to just ignore the pain and push through or run farther rather than shorter when we should. Keep the sanity,take your time and you will make a healthy comeback. Good luck to you!

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  2. Oh man, being injured is the worst! I know, I've been there, we'll all have been there. But being smart is hard.
    Last year I had signed up for a half marathon the weekend after a full mary I did. I was injured in the full but RICE'd like a mofo in hopes of getting better by that following Sunday. That Sunday I woke up and I knew it wasn't 100% but it wasn't also not runable. I thought I would give it a shot.
    I draged my hubbs and parents all the way down town at the crack of dawn for this race, and when I started warming up I knew right away it wasn't worth it. It was hard to tell my fam I wasn't going to run after dragging them all down there, but it was the smart thing to do. They all understood - I want to be a runner for life, not just for that Sunday (like you said.) It was hard to watch everyone start but we stuck around and cheered instead and that felt really good. I ended up taking another 2 weeks off of not running at all and just cross training. By the time I went back I was 100%. Sometimes not running is SO hard mentally, but it is temporary and you will thank yourself for being grown up about it. I would lay off the running for a while, just let it go and see how you end up.
    Good luck girly - I'm sending lots of good positive vibes your way :)

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  3. @Katie A.

    Thanks - this actually really helps!!!! Trying to convince myself that 2 weeks off is not the end of the world, but it's not going all that well. :) And I hate cross training! I sit on my little bike and watch the runners. grr.

    @jt00ct

    Sanity is key here. :)

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  4. I think you're being Really smart to take it easy on yourself this weekend. there are plenty more CB races to come - and you couldn't have said it better...your legs would rather have years of running, than just 10 more miles for this weekend :)

    I can't imagine the mentality needed to get through stuff like this; but it sonds like you're getting a good grip on it!

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