but I get up again
I spent a lot of yesterday feeling sorry for myself. I've struggled so much with injury, especially the last two years, and I was so frustrated and upset to be dealing with it again.
But you know what? I know how to deal with this. This doesn't have to end up in years off and a complete change in my mental state. This is not the end of the world. I'm going to try really hard to hang onto THIS mind-set. Instead of all the negative thoughts that keep popping into my head.
So I rolled and stretched and iced and strengthened. This morning I'm going to get my ass kicked by my amazing massage person. If I do run tomorrow, I'm going to do one mile. And if I don't, that's okay.
I'm also trying to figure out where I went wrong. I took off 10 days post-surgery. My days back look like this (mileage): 5-2.5-off-2-8-off-3. What kind of special crack was I smoking? Sometimes I get overtaken by how much joy there is in running for me and I forget to be smart. It probably should have looked like: 2-off-3-off-2-off. 5 was at an easy pace but felt impossible and had lots of walking. Why did I then run the next day? 2 still felt tough but my pace was better. Why did I then run the next day? And 6 miles into my 8-miler my ITB started being cranky, but I finished. Well, that was a stupid-ass thing to do.
I need to be smarter about my body. I've been injured enough that I should know this. I know that running 2 days in a row generally does not work for me. I know that if something hurts, I should stop. I need to respect the fact that I've only been back from my last injury for about 3 months. I am still building a base. I've only being doing long runs for a month now. I haven't even put speed work back in yet, I've been so focused on building a healthy base. I need to slow down and listen better. Maybe this IT band soreness is a bloody good kick up the ass from the universe to slow down. I hear you.
All of this means I'm not going to run on Sunday, at least not 10 miles. Several people suggested running without a chip and/or only running part of the course. If I feel good Sunday morning, that's what I'm going to do. I can pretty easily jump out at 2 miles or at 4 miles, based on the course. A DNF would suck, mentally, but being out for 3 months of injury would be worse. I need to be able to run for the rest of my life, not just on Sunday.
The other thing I need to remember: Being injured does not make me a bad person. It does not make me lazy, fat, slow, stupid, or a failure. It means I'm still learning how to balance what I want with what I am physically able to do.
Remind me of this.