but I get up again

I spent a lot of yesterday feeling sorry for myself.  I've struggled so much with injury, especially the last two years, and I was so frustrated and upset to be dealing with it again.

But you know what?  I know how to deal with this.  This doesn't have to end up in years off and a complete change in my mental state.  This is not the end of the world.  I'm going to try really hard to hang onto THIS mind-set.  Instead of all the negative thoughts that keep popping into my head.

So I rolled and stretched and iced and strengthened.  This morning I'm going to get my ass kicked by my amazing massage person.  If I do run tomorrow, I'm going to do one mile.  And if I don't, that's okay.  

I'm also trying to figure out where I went wrong.  I took off 10 days post-surgery.  My days back look like this (mileage): 5-2.5-off-2-8-off-3.  What kind of special crack was I smoking?  Sometimes I get overtaken by how much joy there is in running for me and I forget to be smart.  It probably should have looked like: 2-off-3-off-2-off.  5 was at an easy pace but felt impossible and had lots of walking.  Why did I then run the next day?  2 still felt tough but my pace was better.  Why did I then run the next day?  And 6 miles into my 8-miler my ITB started being cranky, but I finished. Well, that was a stupid-ass thing to do.

I need to be smarter about my body.  I've been injured enough that I should know this.  I know that running 2 days in a row generally does not work for me.  I know that if something hurts, I should stop.  I need to respect the fact that I've only been back from my last injury for about 3 months.  I am still building a base.  I've only being doing long runs for a month now.  I haven't even put speed work back in yet, I've been so focused on building a healthy base.  I need to slow down and listen better.  Maybe this IT band soreness is a bloody good kick up the ass from the universe to slow down.  I hear you.

All of this means I'm not going to run on Sunday, at least not 10 miles.  Several people suggested running without a chip and/or only running part of the course.  If I feel good Sunday morning, that's what I'm going to do.  I can pretty easily jump out at 2 miles or at 4 miles, based on the course.  A DNF would suck, mentally, but being out for 3 months of injury would be worse.  I need to be able to run for the rest of my life, not just on Sunday.

The other thing I need to remember: Being injured does not make me a bad person.  It does not make me lazy, fat, slow, stupid, or a failure.  It means I'm still learning how to balance what I want with what I am physically able to do.  

Remind me of this.