love came first
It started with Molly getting picky about her food. The details don't so much matter, but here we are anyway. I took her to the vet. A huge mass, an urgent surgery, the relief when the call came, we think we got it all! And then. Another restless night, a pre-dawn trip to the emergency vet, a heart arrhythmia and cancer that had spread aggressively to her liver, everywhere, thieving away her last days, dying from the inside out. She came home, one last night. Four dogs tucked up in bed, her elephant snores, my eyes filling with tears again and again, unable to believe that we were here. We all went to the beach the next morning, shattered, a cruel litany in my head, this is the last time I will have four dogs at the beach/in the drive-thru getting them vanilla ice cream/on a walk/at the park/on the couch/under the sunshine/in my arms. I wanted to bring her joy until those worst last moments, when I could help her quietly pass on. I stayed with her until the end, whispering, I lov