things that suck
It's now been a week since the sports massage that kicked off this wonderful chain of events, and I am not noticeably better. I'm actually pretty (irrationally) angry at almost everything and everyone, and while I really do appreciate all of the comments, emails, calls, texts, it's hard to glean the support that is at the heart of it and ignore the pieces of "advice" that make me purple with rage.
Yes, I own a foam roller. I purchased one in 2004 and spend plenty of time with it on a regular basis.
No, this IS NOT BECAUSE I DON'T TAKE ENOUGH REST DAYS. This happened because I was out of alignment, and someone put me back, and none of us realized that I didn't have the strength in a few very small but important muscles buried deep inside my core to hold my sacrum where it was supposed to be because those muscles had never needed to hold it there before, or that my hyper-mobility would allow my joints to move around in such a way that would cause this pain. None of that has anything to do with overtraining. I am not, was not, have not been overtrained.
No, I can't "go out and drunkface it up while I'm not training." Maybe you missed the part where standing, sitting, walking, or even sneezing cause sharp stabbing pains in my back and right leg.
No, you stubbing your toe and not being able to run for 2 days is not the same thing.
Yes, I actually have tried stretching.
No, I probably shouldn't "just ignore it and test out some running."
No, I am not going to "give up running because I'm finally seeing how bad it is for me." If this leads to me giving up running, it's because I can't bear the emotional hell of being devastatingly injured twice a year for the rest of my life.
Yes, I've tried taking some ibuprofen.
I honestly do know that everyone is just trying to help, and I feel like a complete asshole being angry about it. If I had a friend who was injured in this way, I would probably send the same kind of useless sentiments her way because I wouldn't know what else to do, either. And I REALLY do appreciate the thoughts, kindnesses, and support, because sometimes it makes me feel better to get all fired up over how dumb but truly heartfelt and well-meaning people, as a species, can be. It makes me feel better, like I might actually get through this.
But there is nothing to do here but wait. It's not a muscle that needs to rebuild over a tear. It's not a bone that needs to repair a fracture. It's a joint that got inflamed and needs to calm down. I get to do a set of 4 core exercises and stretches no more than 3 times a day. I'm icing for 20-30 minutes several times a day, and yesterday I started trying heat to see if that would help (it hasn't). I've been taking 800mg of ibuprofen 3-4 times a day, because while I can't honestly tell if it's helping, I don't think it can hurt for this short duration. And that's it.
Other than a few short trips out here and there, I've been laying in bed since Saturday afternoon. Monday evening I tried swimming. I thought it was successful so I tried it again on Tuesday, along with a PT appointment and a test bike ride. One of those things brought me back to the level of pain I was at on Saturday. I tried a pool run Wednesday morning, and when I got out of the pool I felt tight and weird, so I've decided that complete rest is what I'm going to do until I can walk without pain. Which means I spent the entire day on Wednesday in bed, crying my little broken heart out. And the entire day on Thursday in bed, not crying my eyes out but definitely feeling incredibly depressed and sad. I can't even walk out back to see spring. It's just too much work, and it's too hard to look out and see that I'm yet again missing the first gorgeous days of the year, days that I should be out on a bike or a run, and instead I'm trapped in bed. For the most part, alone.
It's almost too ironic to mention that my blogiversary is this weekend. This blog is about to be 1 year old, this blog that I started while I was trapped in bed after shoulder surgery, staring out the window at the gorgeous spring days that I was missing while I recovered. For a few weeks now I've been thinking about the 1 year post I wanted to do, talking about all the amazing people I've met and ridiculous things I've talked about and how my life has changed because of it, and I am far too broken-hearted to be able to do that right now. I can't bear it.