Thursday, February 23, 2012

three things thursday

1. The "what the hell is wrong with my leg" trainwreck Q&A I've been playing for the last week was abruptly halted yesterday with a diagnosis: partially torn soleus.  The soleus is the big calf muscle that lives inside of the outer calf muscles and runs up the back/inside of your lower leg.  I came home and googled it and every single symptom, every single one fits, it all just clunked into place.  The symptoms of a gradual tear due to overuse or tightness, the pre-tear symptoms, all the various places my leg has hurt since this all happened, everything.  Essentially the tightness in my shins that was caused by all my gait changes was exacerbated by my failure to transition into my Newtons properly along with an increase in running volume (NOT intensity), and eventually that tightness turned into a tear which grew until I couldn't run anymore.  Hindsight is such a bitch.  


2. My PT is overjoyed about the diagnosis because it finally all makes sense.  He said that the tear was what caused all the inflammation in my outer calf muscles, which he broke up last week and caused all that sweet bruising.  Now that the outer calf muscles are no longer swollen and ridiculously inflamed, he could feel the knot of scar tissue surrounding the tear.  And nothing to do with a knot of scar tissue except rip it apart with the Graston tools.  It caused the kind of pain where I can no longer be tense and pull away but instead can do nothing but just give up and succumb and let it wash over me.  However, when he was done, I got up and could walk around without the pain shooting up from my heel for the first time since this mess happened.  It feels like he ripped my calf muscle in half - which he sort of did - and I'm rocking a pretty serious pimp limp.  But it also feels better, it's hard to explain how I can be in some pretty serious post-Graston pain AND feel better, but I feel like it's healing, like he did good work and now all the inflammation and scar tissue and crap just needs to be washed away so the muscle can heal.


3. I've been trying really hard to not fall in the pit of injury despair about this over the past two weeks.  Last year when I injured my back, I literally climbed in bed and ate nothing but Oreos until my girlfriends showed up without warning and dragged me down the street for Thai food and injury tales of their own.  It's so tempting, and would be so easy to let it rock my boat, but the lesson I'm trying to teach myself this time around is to not let it fuck with me emotionally.  That doesn't mean I haven't had bad moments, that doesn't mean I didn't get off the trainer yesterday morning and throw my bike shoes on the ground because of how mad I was that it hurt to push hard in a low gear, that doesn't mean I didn't start crying in my office when thinking about all the gorgeous weather running I am missing right now.  But I'm trying, I'm working really hard to keep a good outlook - not only externally, not only to my friends, not just keeping a brave face on it, but internally as well, really staying calm and breathing.
And the support that has been zinging my way from everywhere has been amazing.  It feeds me where I need to feel strong, it reminds me that I'm not alone.  
I don't know why either, but I've said before that while I don't really understand why this is my journey, I'm going to own it.  In the big picture of my season and even the little picture of the next month, this is a bump in the road.  So I'm going to just bump right over it and roll forwards.  It really is hard sometimes, to be an easily-injured klutz in a sport that is so hard on the body, but it's who I am now and I'd certainly rather this be my life than watching it pass by from the couch.  Sure, I wouldn't have a torn muscle in my stupid leg, but I would have missed out on so much happiness as well, and I'll take it if it means that I get to wring myself dry in the pool and fly down a mountain on a bicycle at 50mph and cross that finish line over and over and over.  To the universe: if this is the deal, if these are the trade-offs, than it's worth it.  I accept. 

29 comments:

  1. Hang in there! If it makes you feel better, I just took 12 FULL weeks off running and am already (6 weeks back) running better than before and with more appreciation for what we get to do daily.
    Just give it time, don't "test" it too often, and stay fit in other ways. Do some strength training, riding or swimming!
    You got this...

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  2. You definitely have heart!! You'll come out of this even stronger on the other side. Here's to a healthy and quick recovery!

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  3. Plus, you are making all your friends jealous with your new and interesting injuries and pimp limp. Rock on!

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  4. Just know that if you do choose to sit in bed and eat a million oreos, we will come over again and talk the poet into letting us inside. We'll bring clubs to knock down the door if we have to.

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  5. Well hell, why on earth do you keep getting handed this crap?!?!? Try to keep that chin up girl and let me know if you need to vent. I have 9 entire months of experience with that ish.

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  6. Yeah I know too well the injury depression. Week 8 of the broken ankle...the beautiful running weather is killing me :(

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  7. you have a fabulous attitude katie and i know it's tough but so are you. kick this injury's ass and keep it rollin'. i'm rooting for you and telling mother nature to keep that good weather long enough for you to heal up and enjoy it.

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  8. Reading these comments you truly have a wonderful support system. Some of us are far away and can't truly drag you out of bed but those in your area certainly can so lean on them as much as possible.

    Roll over this bump and if it causes you any problems just hit it with your Pimp Cane.....you do have one don't you?

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  9. Finally, someone knows about the pimp walk! I am so tired of explaining that there is nothing wrong with my leg....... LOL, this too shall pass!

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  10. I'm sorry to hear girl but the diagnosis is great because you know what is going on. When they were finally able to tell me I had a stress fracture, I was like praising the high heavens. You'll make it through this I swear!

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  11. I'm glad you have a solid diagnosis AND that it is starting to feel better. You have such a great attitude and it is what makes you strong! You'll get past this bump just as you have others.

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  12. Boo to the soleus. I rarely get injured because I freak out at the small twinges and rest like it's my job. That's just not your style. Then again, when I do get injured it's usually a) a freak occurrence unrelated to running b) a doozy and c) there's not even any good athletic story behind it when people ask how it happened.

    Perhaps one silver lining here is that you can now go on a nice, short, flattish, super easy bike ride with me and not have to stop and wait every mile?

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  13. BAH BAH BAH. But -- not to go all silver-lining, but yay for having a diagnosis and what sounds like a good plan. (Does diagnosis mean hot ortho was involved?) I think a dozen or so oreos might still be warranted, but I'm glad you don't feel like you need a million this time. Between your strength and all the love you've got around you, I think you'll come out of this great.

    On another note, now I am going to run screaming to my own doctor because your symptoms sounded enough like mine that I am now slightly freaking out. Slightly.

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  14. Partial soleus tear... NBD, yo.

    Glad you have a diagnosis which helps with moving forward. Injuries on any scale are damn frustrating. Hang in there and go easy on the Oreos!

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  15. I'm so sorry to hear this :( Just keep your head up and know that you are strong enough to get through anything.

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  16. Glad you have a diagnosis and a way of moving forward. Just gotta say that you inspire me, every day, and it helps to know that the random crying over missing out on running isn't just something I do.

    Chin up. Hopefully I can follow my own advice, too.

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  17. Having an answer is a big part of finding a solution, no? Sucks, but the tradeoff is worth it. Send the oreos my way - I'll take care of them for you...

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  18. Sorry to hear about the injury but like everyone else said, it's great that now you know what you are working with and you can solve it! I know you will get past this!

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  19. Glad that you found an official diagnosis. That right there takes the "what is wrong with me" anxiety out of the picture. AND! You seem sorta ok with this?

    Good look with the rehab!

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  20. YAY for a diagnosis!!!!

    Allison is a like a Buddha! I'd try and top her, but I don't think it is possible. You certainly have a great group of friends in your corner.

    Good luck with the heeling process!

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  21. Ohhhh Katie, I'm so sorry about your torn muscle. BUT, I think it's really great how positive you are trying to keep yourself and you are right, in the end this is just a bump in a really long road. It's going to make things that pop up on IM race day seem like a piece of cake. This challenge is merely getting you ready to overcome bigger challenges.

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  22. As everyone else has said, I'm glad you have a diagnosis so you know how to move forward, heal, and rehab. And while your leg is resting you can kill your shoulders. Swim soon?

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  23. I'm sorry you're hurt, but I admire your attitude. I found out today I have a hip stress fracture and have to spend at least a month on crutches. Your outlook is inspiring me to try to be zen about this. Best of luck to you!

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  24. I know the disappointed "I'm injured" feeling well. So sorry to hear. But your outlook is amazing. You'll get through this, and be better on the other side. Just a little hiccup in IM training.

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  25. I'm glad you know what it is, but emmer effer. Hope the healing comes quick!!

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  26. So proud of you for not doing That Thing We Do (freaking out and launching ourselves into a deep pool of depression about an injury that is certainly temporary, and probably not the end of the world). That doesn't mean you're not totally entitled to throw yourself on the bed and weep in self-pity at any given moment—just that I'm proud that you've set your intention toward peace and acceptance and stuff. Sending you all my lovingest and healingest thoughts!

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  27. ::sending lots of positive healing energy::

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