1. I can't believe I have to come up with random crap twice this week.
2. I really hate the comment-on-every-blog-post game that a lot of bloggers play. Commenting on my post every day to say "great job today!" just so I'll come and visit your blog and leave you the same meaningless comment every day is worse than the way I had to comb my hair in 6th grade so the cool kids would talk to me. Comment when you have something worthwhile to say. Comment if you just started reading so I can come and check out your blog and see if you are someone I'd like to read. Comment if you want to tell me something interesting about yourself, even if it has nothing to do with what I wrote about. Otherwise, go do your meaningless social climbing elsewhere.
3. I'm really uncomfortable around children ages 2-13, and I don't like it when social situations force me to try and interact with kids of these ages.
4. I am holding a grudge right now against Garmin because I completely lost my mind trying to install the quick release on my bike and head unit. I ended up shipping the kit back and now will defiantly only wear my Garmin on my wrist for the rest of eternity.
5. I've lived in plenty of states, but Virginia is the first state where I've come across a consistent army of drivers who will make a left turn from the right lane across 5 lanes of traffic without using a turn signal.
6. I hate it when people always tweet crap like, "someone make me go run" or "ugh I hate my bike and don't want to go ride." No one is FORCING you to do any of this, and your whining is making me want to punch you. I get feeling like that every once in a while but some people do it every damn day.
7. When I get really pissed off I start crying, and that enrages me, which makes me cry more. WTF body.
8. If you attempt to get me to do something by being passive aggressive, I will respond with pure aggression. That is not how to make a friendship last.
9. In a previous job, I managed with the DYFJ mantra. Do Your Fucking Job. That's it. That's all you need to be successful while working for me, and most people can't do it. I don't understand.
10. Losing a significant amount of weight and completing some races does not make you an expert. You didn't discover how to lose weight or run, I'm sorry to tell you. It does, however, make your life better, so sit back and enjoy that and just quit it already with the unsolicited advice.
11. Having a lot of money also does not make you an expert. Congratulations, your bike costs twice what mine does, you still don't know dick about how to ride it.
Since I got tagged in so many of these posts and most of the questions sucked, I asked twitter to come up with some questions instead. They are:
1. How is your crotch this morning? Just fine, thanks for asking. Sit bones are a little sore from the saddle I am still adjusting to.
2. What's your biggest secret that you couldn't imagine revealing in your blog? Ohh, you guys are so tricky! That would probably be that I've only played the monkey game with two men in my life. Wait, that's not a secret at all....gotcha!
3. If you had to set up a cage fight, who would you put in it and why? All the DC bloggers that annoy the piss out of me, in hopes that they would all knock each other out.
4. Macallan or Glenlivet? Macallan, I'm not a heathen.
5. How tall are you in bare feet? What are your measurements? 5'6". I weigh between 137-144 (usually around the 142 mark) and have an extremely large rear derailleur. I bulge in a B cup and droop in a C.
6. If you could create your own Gu flavor, what would it be? A year ago I would have said Mint Chocolate or Raspberry Chocolate, so I don't know. Maybe Root Beer.
7. When did you first realize that your ass was worth of a blog full of ass shots? I still feel as if my ass is not worthy, but the people want what they want.
8. Is your snark hereditary? Or did you spend years honing the amazing talent? I believe my snark initially developed as a defensive mechanism and I've been refining it ever since.
9. What is your most indiscreet pit stop on a ride or run? Sadly, I've bared my ass to empty my bladder all over the DC metro area, so I don't have a "most." Emily, to her chagrin, can confirm this.
10. Pirates or ninjas? Obviously ninjas.
11. What made you decide to start your blog? I was cooped up in bed after shoulder surgery. I had no idea how much it would change my life. And as much as I take cranky to a ridiculous level, I'm still glad I've done it and met the people I'm met through it.
If you are unfortunate enough to be reading this and haven't done it yet, consider yourself tagged, but if mindless blogger memes also make you crazy, just tell me something about yourself that I should know. You can also go read the last time I participated in one of these memes if you are short on productivity and long on unstructured free time. I'll wrap this up with a picture of my ass you've all seen a dozen times.
Happy Cranky Tuesday, all!