the latest in mindless blogger memes

I don't generally like mindless blogger memes, but I suppose if I force everyone to participate in the one I created, I have to play along every once in a while, and there's nothing else to talk about in January.  I got tagged by a dozen people in the latest one, which looks pretty complicated and has a lot of rules.  

First, 11 random things rants about from me.  

1. I can't believe I have to come up with random crap twice this week.
2. I really hate the comment-on-every-blog-post game that a lot of bloggers play.  Commenting on my post every day to say "great job today!" just so I'll come and visit your blog and leave you the same meaningless comment every day is worse than the way I had to comb my hair in 6th grade so the cool kids would talk to me.  Comment when you have something worthwhile to say.  Comment if you just started reading so I can come and check out your blog and see if you are someone I'd like to read.  Comment if you want to tell me something interesting about yourself, even if it has nothing to do with what I wrote about.  Otherwise, go do your meaningless social climbing elsewhere.  
3. I'm really uncomfortable around children ages 2-13, and I don't like it when social situations force me to try and interact with kids of these ages.  
4. I am holding a grudge right now against Garmin because I completely lost my mind trying to install the quick release on my bike and head unit.  I ended up shipping the kit back and now will defiantly only wear my Garmin on my wrist for the rest of eternity.
5. I've lived in plenty of states, but Virginia is the first state where I've come across a consistent army of drivers who will make a left turn from the right lane across 5 lanes of traffic without using a turn signal.
6. I hate it when people always tweet crap like, "someone make me go run" or "ugh I hate my bike and don't want to go ride."  No one is FORCING you to do any of this, and your whining is making me want to punch you.  I get feeling like that every once in a while but some people do it every damn day.
7. When I get really pissed off I start crying, and that enrages me, which makes me cry more.  WTF body.
8. If you attempt to get me to do something by being passive aggressive, I will respond with pure aggression.  That is not how to make a friendship last.
9. In a previous job, I managed with the DYFJ mantra.  Do Your Fucking Job.  That's it.  That's all you need to be successful while working for me, and most people can't do it.  I don't understand.
10. Losing a significant amount of weight and completing some races does not make you an expert.  You didn't discover how to lose weight or run, I'm sorry to tell you.  It does, however, make your life better, so sit back and enjoy that and just quit it already with the unsolicited advice.
11. Having a lot of money also does not make you an expert.  Congratulations, your bike costs twice what mine does, you still don't know dick about how to ride it.

Since I got tagged in so many of these posts and most of the questions sucked, I asked twitter to come up with some questions instead.  They are:
1. How is your crotch this morning?  Just fine, thanks for asking.  Sit bones are a little sore from the saddle I am still adjusting to.
2. What's your biggest secret that you couldn't imagine revealing in your blog?  Ohh, you guys are so tricky!  That would probably be that I've only played the monkey game with two men in my life.  Wait, that's not a secret at all....gotcha!
3. If you had to set up a cage fight, who would you put in it and why? All the DC bloggers that annoy the piss out of me, in hopes that they would all knock each other out.
4. Macallan or Glenlivet?  Macallan, I'm not a heathen.
5. How tall are you in bare feet?  What are your measurements?  5'6".  I weigh between 137-144 (usually around the 142 mark) and have an extremely large rear derailleur.  I bulge in a B cup and droop in a C.
6. If you could create your own Gu flavor, what would it be?  A year ago I would have said Mint Chocolate or Raspberry Chocolate, so I don't know.  Maybe Root Beer.
7. When did you first realize that your ass was worth of a blog full of ass shots?  I still feel as if my ass is not worthy, but the people want what they want.
8. Is your snark hereditary?  Or did you spend years honing the amazing talent?  I believe my snark initially developed as a defensive mechanism and I've been refining it ever since.
9. What is your most indiscreet pit stop on a ride or run?  Sadly, I've bared my ass to empty my bladder all over the DC metro area, so I don't have a "most."  Emily, to her chagrin, can confirm this.
10. Pirates or ninjas?  Obviously ninjas.
11. What made you decide to start your blog?  I was cooped up in bed after shoulder surgery.  I had no idea how much it would change my life.  And as much as I take cranky to a ridiculous level, I'm still glad I've done it and met the people I'm met through it.

If you are unfortunate enough to be reading this and haven't done it yet, consider yourself tagged, but if mindless blogger memes also make you crazy, just tell me something about yourself that I should know.  You can also go read the last time I participated in one of these memes if you are short on productivity and long on unstructured free time.  I'll wrap this up with a picture of my ass you've all seen a dozen times.

Happy Cranky Tuesday, all!


  1. 2, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 - yes. Also, good job!

  2. I'm wondering, how can you tell your sit bones are sore from adjusting to a new saddle vs. having a saddle that isn't right for you? I'm thinking I need a new saddle, but I keep convincing myself to give it one more shot and keep trying. Any advice on how to tell if I have one that will work long term?

  3. well aren't you cheery today!!

    5- I never knew thats how you spell it (and I certainly couldn't pronounce it, had I not known) - in my head its always dairy-air :)

  4. "...have an extremely large rear derailleur"

    Basically my giggle fit just had to be disguised as a coughing fit and now my officemates want to know if I'm OK. So thanks for that.

  5. #7 - I'm in the same boat. At a previous job I had an incredibly passive aggressive boss who drove me simultaneously to rage and tears on a weekly basis. He fancied himself a runner, so I made it my mission to whip his ass if ever we were in the same race. I beat him by over 10 minutes at the GW Parkway 10 Miler, and I gloated for over a week - h/t to #8.

  6. Great job!

    Well deserved!

    You made it!!!

    You are a rockstar!

    E*@( job on that hill!!!

  7. So now I know many of your pet peeves, but not the BIGGEST one. I feel cheated. This was not a great job today. Not at all.

  8. I always feel obligated to play along when I really just want to pretned that I didn't notice I got tagged when I left my meaningless blog comment. Ha. Same here on #7. What is with that? I always feel the need to explain "i am not really crying, I am pissed". I think it freaks people out so maybe that helps but always makes me feel so stupid. Ugh.

  9. When I get pissed off, I cry too... and it pisses me off!!! I also cry when I'm sick and have to admit it (to myself and others) though too, but mostly the being pissed off thing.

  10. Well I will comment because you make me laugh! I just recentlyish found your blog and It could fast become a fav! Thanks for being so honest and laying it all out there!

  11. I have to just say Holly-lu-yah! to 2 & 10. I honestly just quit using Dailymile because I was more annoyed at the endless "good jobs", etc. I understand some people mean well, but enough already. Most of my friends comment on my blog posts in the link I post on FB, and I don't have enough content at the moment for many strangers to bother. I'm perfectly ok with that.
    Though I am being cyber-stalked by the Marines pyscho ex midget, so there's that.
    #10- I'm getting so sick of reading people call themselves coaches just because they follow another coaches plan. One in particular I DESPISE. Being married to a coach does not make you one yourself. Shut up already. He went to school, coaches for a living, etc. You do not, you just do what your told so stop passing that on to others!
    Damn, guess I'm as cranky as you today O_o

  12. We call #5 a "Detroit Slide" where I'm from - but you have to roll the window down and only put one hand on the wheel for it to be authentic.

    And I don't think I can be playing the blogger suck up game if I don't blog anymore, right?!

  13. Damn, I forgot to mark toady as Cranky Tuesday! Is that a bike reference? HA

  14. OMG - I am sitting on a plane in between two huge men (one smells like Fritos) and I could not contain myself while reading this post. 2, 3, 5, 6, 9 have me rolling. You are the best!

  15. I thought #10 said "Pilates or ninjas?" and I was confused as to why those things would be in competition against each other. I thought it was an interesting, and oddly provocative question. Still, in either comparison, obviously ninjas. But also, I'm terrible at reading I guess.

  16. Honesty is the best policy and there are not many people more honest than you.....

    Something interesting about me: I typically start laughing at your name before reading the content whether it be on Twitter or Blog comments because I know it is going to be classic.

  17. who spiked your morning cup of coffee with some Wellbutrin you happy little thing?? :)

    crying when pissed. have it, hate it. dammit

  18. I took notes while reading this so I wouldn't forget by the time I got to the end...

    From the rants: #2: THANK YOU for saying this. The blogging games are almost worse than crappy dating, ugh. #6: If I had a dime for every time I UN-follow someone due to this...and seriously, how do people handle Daily Mile?! I get the motivational/community thing, but isn't that what we call "blogging"? #10: Oh, you know... ;)

    From the questions: Macallan? Heathens?
    Um, there is Mint Chocolate GU - you know this, right?

    Keep the rants a-comin'!

  19. Ha. You sarcasm really makes me laugh. I read your blog a lot for basically this sole reason. You aren't afraid to shut bitches down. Anyways-I hate when bloggers just post great job or great run by reading the last line or something when clearly it was terrible if they read any ounce of it. Also-I tend to delete worthless comments because I'm a bitch.

  20. wtf is the monkey game?
    Can they make a B and a half? I have the same problem.
    And - nice ass.

  21. Well that is the first time I've ever heard it called the "monkey game."

    Assuming that my guess on what it means is true. Bc Urban Dictionary isn't helping me either.

  22. your rants MIGHT just be the best thing i read today. i tried to pick a favorite one and i can't. but now i don't even want to say good job for fear that you will think i'm a blogging lurker...

    what other states have you lived in? people in colorado suck at driving but i'm not sure i've ever seen the turn thing.

  23. I hear you about the kids. Blurgh.

    Also, I can see your crack in that picture, and it disturbs me.

    Love from Indiana. :)

  24. I hear you about the kids. Blurgh.

    Also, I can see your crack in that picture, and it disturbs me.

    Love from Indiana. :)

  25. After reading this I was confused on whether I should comment or not. Too late now but I am amused by the attitude.

  26. Here is where I use your words against you...

    "I can't believe I have to come up with random crap twice this week." "No one is FORCING you to do any of this, and your whining is making me want to punch you."

    Sorry, couldn't resist. :-P

  27. Oh, and I once ate 100 fried shrimp at Sizzler. Now you know.

    "If I wanted to be a piece of sports equipment, I'd be a women's bicycle seat." Rodney Dangerfield, Caddyshack 2

  28. Great rants and OMG, ROOT BEER ROCTANE. It even Sounds awesome!!!

  29. I am jealous of your B/C cup woes. And I was kinda hoping for ass shots of the guys working on your house.

  30. Awwww, I should have read the other comments before posting that. Now I feel unoriginal.

  31. This is not a comment just to comment. So there.


  32. I haattteee Gu.
    But I'm thinking I could totally dig some root beer Gu!!!

  33. I cry whenever I seem to have random emotional spikes. Happy tear, sad tear, frustrated pissed off tears, surprised tear ducts, just because I'm not chilling at the status quo of ho hum emotional feeling doesn't mean you need to start leaking....oyyy

    Also....I would loooooove to know which bloggers you want to put in a cage match ahahaha ( I hope I am not one of them!)

  34. I sense an underlying tone of anger... are you crying right now? :-) I too participated..

  35. Only a B and a half? Well, they're real and they're spectacular!

  36. Re. #5, you've clearly never been to New Jersey...they even have a name for it. "The Jersey Sweep." Yes people from New Jersey are proud of speeding across five lanes of traffic on the Garden State Parkway to get across their exit when they should have started merging 2 miles ago.

  37. In love with this post. Like in love! Knew we were meant to be friends... so many similarities I see!

    2. Those people suck and anger me. I also get annoyed when people leave me pointless voicemails. Tell me something. Don't say "hey, its me, call me back." I have caller ID. If you are going to make me listen to your voicemail, TELL ME something.
    6. Agreed. Annoying twitter people are the worst.
    7. Ditto.
    8. I HATE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE. And I hate passive people. If you're angry about something, be agressive. We can solve it better that way, no?
    9. Fucking love the DYFJ. Do you work in Advertising by chance? HA! The other day I was talking to my best co-worker about how only 20% of workers here actually DYFJ. It's ridiculous. Someone I work with posted on Facebook the other day "Today I learned how to post something to an FTP." Like that was all she did all day. I do that 20 times a day. People annoy me.

    Thanks for making me smile!!!

  38. I was gonna go all "#7!! WTH is with that!!?!" And I see that half your commenters feel the same way. I don't feel so alone anymore :-)

  39. I was going to post "great job today!" but everyone beat me to it. damn.

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