run this amazing day

Dear Katie, I've learned a lot of lessons this year. This year I've learned a lot about being judgmental, and with that, some friendships have started to heal.  I've learned how harsh and hurtful it can be, and how useless it is to project negativity into the universe.  Instead I want my life to be a place where I hold only myself to the highest standards and am gentle with my expectations of the people around me.  Learning over and over and over again how imperfect I am has lessened my critical eye.   This year I've learned about humility.  I've learned the stomach-hollowing shame of bowing your head and asking for help, and that the punches that follow will land for months.  I've learned that no matter how prepared you are against the what-ifs of the world, the world can - and will - still strike again and again in the most unlikely of places.  And as I was told, learning to ask for help when it is needed is a skill I need to cultivate, and I can only ho

1. I was supposed to race this weekend. My birthday is coming up, and last year's birthday race is still lingering, a bad taste in my mouth.  I picked out a new distance so I could not be stressed about the numbers and just have fun, but it isn't in the cards for me.  The amount of stress that I've been under and the level of anxiety I've been carrying around in my life has intensified so much over the past few weeks that I haven't even been able to train.  It's been interesting to see how stress has affected my motivation, my data, my heart rate, all of those things, but I hope I don't ever go through this experiment again.  Sonja recommended bagging the race a few days ago, and I whined and complained and then asked if I could switch to the sprint (yes) but when I woke up this morning, my heart was just not in it.  So I'm calling it now.  No race for me. 2. That said, some more big changes have happened in my life this week.  This time they were m

I think I desperately need a dump of things that make me happy.  In no particular order... When you know that you are going to be hoarse after a ride because you spend three hours chatting without taking a breath (this is one of my favorite ride pictures ever). When all of your pups fall asleep in a giant pile. When you get a couple of race pictures that don't make you want to go on the air diet and quit running forever (note: I am not saying these are "good."). When you make eggplant pizza with balsamic glaze and it is BALLER. When you buy a new pink hoodie, just for fall. When you start cooking up a little surprise from a lot of people for your husband's 40th birthday that you know is going to make him really, REALLY happy. When your swim gear is extra lame, as is your attempt to show off your guns (note: impossible to flex and self-photograph). When all your puppy wants is to snuggle up in your lap and sleep peacefully. When

I'm pretty sure I've been doing monthly recap/goals posts for as long as this blog has been running.  I'm not sure there's ever been a time where I can recall a single goal I set at the start of the month.  Checking in... September Goals Start setting the alarm again instead of assuming you will wake up when the poet does.   A very unfortunate check...sleep has not gone well this month. Get a haircut.  A real one, from the nice ladies in the very high heels. Check! Make pupcakes for the birthday of Molly and Sofie. I'm a failure as a puppy mama.  But we have a lot of celebrating to do. Don't get swallowed up by training.  Balance is good.  Beer is good.   Instead I got swallowed up by stress. Keep working on that nutrition cabinet until it is gone.   Emptied as of yesterday!  Time to refill. Actually investigate master's swim instead of just talking about doing it.   Nope.  I need to do this! Do the buy-a-WTF-vegetable-and-figure-out-how-to-cook